


the brightness of the sun

by mcreyes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love, almost, bc aesthetic, kenma can't deal with Feelings, kinda based off of personal experience, nothing is capitalized, pretty ooc but i imagine kenma like this, this is so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6895123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcreyes/pseuds/mcreyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-and most of all, he pretends that the tears running down his cheeks aren't there, blurring the face of the man above him into a face that he loves. he pretends that it's okay.<br/>kenma knows he can't pretend for much longer.</p><p> </p><p>inspired by <a href="http://mookie000.tumblr.com/post/107751526152/kenma-becomes-so-destructive-he-lets-anyone-with">this comic</a> because it hits me where i'm weak</p>
            </blockquote>





	the brightness of the sun

**Author's Note:**

> the rape isn't explicit but please be careful kiddos

kenma likes to play pretend.

  
he pretends that the hands spreading him apart are large, worn from volleyball, scarred from various fights over the years. he pretends that they're warm, and gentle- anything but the icy touch that burns his skin.  
he pretends that the lips grazing his pale skin are careful, leaving marks in places that are only for their eyes, not leaving them everywhere like a lion marking his prey. kenma pretends he won't have to wear a scarf for the next week.  
he pretends that the grunts and the sound of his name are from a familiar voice, one that he would trust with anything, with his life- not the low growl of someone who treats kenma's name like it's something to own.  
and most of all, he pretends that the tears running down his cheeks aren't there, blurring the face of the man above him into a face that he loves. he pretends that it's okay.  
kenma knows he can't pretend for much longer.

  
kenma isn't a prostitute- this he knows for sure.  
he's just a normal college student who sometimes can't walk properly and can only open snapchats when he's alone.  
he gets stared at a lot, and he knows that many more people than he's intended have seen his body, know the curvature and stature of his milky skin underneath his hoodie from high school, a large red hoodie with the number 1 laced in the back of it.  
it's the only thing kenma owns that he loves.  
kenma isn't a prostitute. he's a black hole.

  
the sun.  
kenma returns to his apartment later than he thought. he planned on just collapsing onto the couch and crying himself to sleep, his legs hardly able to carry him up the stairs in the first place.  
but oh, the sun.  
he sits on the couch, wide glasses on the tip of his nose as his dark eyes scan the pages of a book. kenma knows his sun well enough to know that he's not actually reading.

"did you have a good study session?"

not a single movement. kenma doesn't want to open his mouth in fear of revealing that nothing was studied except how much closer he's dragging himself to his breaking point. he mumbles out what he hopes is a yes.  
kenma knows that the only thing to do now is go into his room, but his feet are stuck to the ground as his legs pound with pain and his head swirls.

"kenma?"

when he looks up, the sun is staring at him. kenma can't look back, it's blinding. he looks at his feet.

"yeah?" he replies weakly, unable to think about anything but the way his hands shake at his sides and the way his best friend is looking at him- like he actually is worth something. kenma is terrified; if he stares like that for much longer it might convince kenma that it's true.

"why is there blood on your pants?"

  
the sun is moving towards the black hole, which can only mean one thing: the universe will collapse.  
the black hole backs away.

"kenma, let me help you!"

  
kenma falls onto his knees. there's no point in pretending he doesn't hurt anymore. there's no point in anything. his entire life, he's been trying to cover up love with disgusting and twisted forms of lust. there are tears on his face again, stinging his skin, poisoned from every hand that's touched it before. his body is numb, and weak, and broken, months of being tossed from male to male. he's nothing.  
the sun is engulfing him.

"KENMA!"

  
the sun is so bright.  
kenma pretends that the brightness doesn't burn.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated  
> also hmu i have no friends


End file.
